Monday, January 10, 2011

My First Gift

He made me a mom.  I remember the doctor's words when she called us into her office to let us know that, no, I was not experiencing the flu.  What I had was going to last much longer.  I remember her grin and my shock at the unexpected news and the silence in the car as my husband and I processed the idea of a change in the timing our dreams.

The best change ever.

I remember the fierce love I felt so early on, so surprising to me, when I experienced some possible complications and feared the loss of that tiny promise of life.  I remember begging God to let everything be okay.  I remember the fear and the anticipation of considering being a parent for the first time.  I remember the first kicks . . . the first of everything.

And then he arrived.  I had never experienced such joy.  When we brought him home, we took turns holding him, examining him, memorizing him, admiring him . . . awed that this perfect baby boy was ours to keep.  Ours alone. 

He taught me the ropes of newborn care -- the shocking realization of what true dependency means.  The all-hours feedings, the "right-now" attitude.  The realization that the labor of his birth was nothing compared to the new job I alone had now.  This thing called motherhood.  I didn't think I could do it. 

And then he smiled.  Four weeks into being on call to a demanding tyrant, he offered a gift, and I was forever hooked.  I didn't realize just how many gifts he had offered me before that moment until much later . . . . how many lessons he was teaching me and how many moments I didn't know would never return.  And I wish now my memory was better or that I could go back and relive just a day now and again.

And now The Thinker's eleven.  Just like that.

He's led me through so many different stages of life, surprising me, frustrating me, challenging me, and captivating me at every turn.  Now, he's this compassionate, competitive, intelligent, handsome, and funny boy-turning-man.  And I long to hold him tightly as he is, for I'm so much more aware of how quickly time passes, how soon he will no longer be eleven but eighteen and then thirty. 

Yet even as I long to hold on, every day I pray that he turns less ours and more His and that he will let his Heavenly Father guide him wherever that will take him.

And wherever that is, he will always, always, carry my heart.

Happy Birthday to my first gift born.

And I count one more time my many gifts #576 - 589:

birthdays to count

grace in parenting

the timing of my first gift

the lessons God teaches through our children

agape love

the privilege of watching children grow

The Thinker has a spiritual birthday too

another reason to gather with family in winter

conversation with my sisters and my brother

Baby Girl's "Happy Birthday to you"

The Stinker's excitement in choosing a gift (and "can't I give both?")

comfort in the hope that each season of life will have its joys . . .

and that moving forward means moving closer

each and every hug from all my Gifts



anne graves said...

I can't believe how much they are growing! In his Colts shirt picture, your boys look so much alike! I really had to look for a few minutes. He is becoming so handsome and I can't help but think about my boys growing as I watch yours. We love you all and your birthday boy!

The Sharp's said...

Happy Birthday to your big guy! : )!

Jenny said...

So beautiful. Happy Birthday your your song!

I'm expecting my first child/son this April and I can't wait to experience everything you've written here. What a blessing!

Krystle said...

Happy Birthday to your little (big) man!!
What a handsome fella!

The Flores Garden said...

Awwww...what a sweet post! Happy birthday to your first born! It's my first born's birthday today too...he's One. =)

Natalie said...

Oh my am I going to miss you, girl. Your poetic words brought tears to my eyes - "less ours and more His". LOVE IT.

What a precious birthday boy he is. What a blessed mama you are. :)

Natalie at Mommy on Fire

Cranberry Morning said...

What a sweet post. And take it from me, you'll never get over it, even when they get older and have their own children. :-)

Melanie said...

... be still my heart! :) Ah, reminds me of my little ones. So precious, so life-changing, life's best gift.

Happy Birthday to you litte man!

alison said...

isn't it just amazing? they grow so fast....but thank God they get to grow! happy birthday to your firstborn :)

Wander said...

Oh being a's like nothing else! My own firstborn boy is 20 and at college! Time flies!
Sweet boy you have there!


Sharon Kirby said...

How very sweet - it brought tears to my eyes. Happy Birthday to your wonderful son. Enjoy every moment with him - because you're right, it goes by fast. My firstborn, my oldest son, will turn 28 in just a couple of weeks. He is a man, yes - but he will always be my baby...

And it's wonderful to see God work in his life.

Blessings to you, MOM!!

Amy said...

What a beautifully written post!! I got teary eyed because it made me think of my own two blessings! They do grow up way too fast, don't they?

Happy Birthday to your handsome little boy!

rachelw said...

Time does go so very quickly! Happy Birthday to your boy.
By the way, he has great taste in football teams. :)

Carrie said...

Oh, he's such a cutie!! I can't believe they grow sooooo fast! It makes me a little sad. :(

Hope you're having a great week! Happy Birthday to your Little Man!

e-Mom said...

Aw, what a sweet sleeping cowboy!

And now, look at him. Happy Birthday Football Hero! (He looks a lot like you, don't you think?)

MamaMonki said...

Beautiful post. You made me cry - time goes so quickly. I wish I could freeze some of the moments right now to have when WeeMan is older. Happy Birthday to your Thinker!

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