I lie in bed chasing shadow-thoughts. I'm in the grip of anxiety, and I'm frustrated that I am here. My husband is exhausted beside me, so the words remain inside. I stare into the darkness and feel alone. Thoughts consume me: oil spills, the economy, privacy issues, future events that my children could suffer, The Thinker possibly leaving for school . . .
The way seems all darkness, and my eyes cannot penetrate it. And in the quiet, words from a few mornings ago whisper in the chaos of my thoughts, "Moses approached
the thick darkness where God was" (Exodus 20:21).
The God who lives in unapproachable light cloaked Himself in darkness. The God who is too brilliant and holy to look upon and live is shrouded in
thick darkness.
And I wonder . . . .
Is He hiding Himself in the darkness and just asking me to follow? Although I can't see, He can, for the darkness is as light to Him. The dark does not confuse or fear Him. Instead, it is His invitation to walk in faith and trust, that as He holds my hand and leads, He will protect and guide me around and through and within what frightens.
And He says, "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3).
For it is in the darkness, we discover that our treasure is a deeper knowing and loving and understanding . . . of Him.
He is the secret place. He is the treasure.
Faith is to believe what we do not see;
the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.
-- Saint Augustine
And I begin to think on
true and praiseworthy things and give thanks:
#33 - 56
For His words dwelling in my heart and giving me peace
A masterpiece dinner by The Thinker (grilled cheese and green beans)
Steaks on the grill
The Master
Griller (my husband)
Wilted lettuce salad from our garden
Bedtime conversations
Pats on the back from Baby Girl
My husband's gifting a cleaned-out car
The first dip in my sister's pool
A swing set built by the men of the house
The Princess' first trip down the new slide
Working in the garden alongside the family
Picking strawberries with my mom
My husband's patient love
Baby Girl dresses
Clean sheets
The smell of rain
An organized Tupperware cabinet
A re-arranged family room
Baby Girl loving her grandparents
Books in the mail
Homemade bread
Naps
The first red raspberry of the season
A Treasure of Darkness