Monday, June 7, 2010

A Treasure of Darkness

I lie in bed chasing shadow-thoughts.  I'm in the grip of anxiety, and I'm frustrated that I am here.  My husband is exhausted beside me, so the words remain inside.  I stare into the darkness and feel alone.  Thoughts consume me:  oil spills, the economy, privacy issues, future events that my children could suffer, The Thinker possibly leaving for school . . .

The way seems all darkness, and my eyes cannot penetrate it.  And in the quiet, words from a few mornings ago whisper in the chaos of my thoughts, "Moses approached the thick darkness where God was" (Exodus 20:21). 

The God who lives in unapproachable light cloaked Himself in darkness.  The God who is too brilliant and holy to look upon and live is shrouded in thick darkness. 

And I wonder . . . .

Is He hiding Himself in the darkness and just asking me to follow?  Although I can't see, He can, for the darkness is as light to Him.  The dark does not confuse or fear Him.  Instead, it is His invitation to walk in faith and trust, that as He holds my hand and leads, He will protect and guide me around and through and within what frightens. 

And He says, "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name" (Isaiah 45:3).

image by Odyar

For it is in the darkness, we discover that our treasure is a deeper knowing and loving and understanding . . . of Him. 

He is the secret place.  He is the treasure.

Faith is to believe what we do not see;
the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.
-- Saint Augustine

And I begin to think on true and praiseworthy things and give thanks:







holy experience


#33 - 56

For His words dwelling in  my heart and giving me peace

A masterpiece dinner by The Thinker (grilled cheese and green beans)

Steaks on the grill

The Master Griller (my husband)

Wilted lettuce salad from our garden

Bedtime conversations

Pats on the back from Baby Girl

My husband's gifting a cleaned-out car

The first dip in my sister's pool

A swing set built by the men of the house

The Princess' first trip down the new slide

Working in the garden alongside the family

Picking strawberries with my mom

My husband's patient love

Baby Girl dresses

Clean sheets

The smell of rain

An organized Tupperware cabinet

A re-arranged family room

Baby Girl loving her grandparents

Books in the mail

Homemade bread

Naps

The first red raspberry of the season


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24 comments:

CraftyMummy said...

Thank you for sharing. I like your picture of God being the thick darkness and guiding us through our dark places...

Heather of Swallowing A Moose said...

Lovely List... I too have been in that dark place wondering if I was there alone and then realizing i'm never. Reaching out for His hand to hold and guide me to the switch. Where He flicks it back on again for me to see. Only for a second and then off with the light again. We walk together, me & Him, through life's darknesses. In time i'm learned to be less worried because He holds my hand.

Keep that chin up! He has overcome this world- it's creepiness, it's economy, it's grip. Through His Precious Son we can reign as kings. :)

Stacey said...

Dwelling = to live and be at home in....may God's Word be at home in you!


Blessings,
Stacey from the Gratitude Community

Natalie said...

A beautiful list! I, too, am thankful for His words that dwell and His Spirit that bring them to remembrance when needed. Oh, and, I do LOVE naps :)

Karen said...

Beautiful list...and a picture I can relate to of finding Him in the darkness. I just become a follower=)...

Carrie said...

Beautiful! What a lovely post ... one that points me to Him!

Thanks, GG!

Jenny said...

I enjoyed your beautiful thoughts and your list.

SuzyQ said...

This was a beautiful post, and list.
You wrote things that have been on my heart lately and your brought comfort.
Thank you :)

Claudia said...

Soooo beautiful - my favorite is "Pats on the back from Baby Girl" since it's a long time that my baby girls and boy patted on my back - but I still remember how it feels - just like heaven!

misslenbuster said...

lovely, mysterious thoughts at the beginning of your post! "The secret of the LORD is with them that fear him; and he will shew them his covenant." Psalm 25:14 May you find His covenant in the dark, secretive places you enter. And what a soothing remedy, thanksgiving and praise are to fear and difficulty. God bless you.

The Sharp's said...

Beautiful! Amen!

Love the smell of rain!

Manda said...

Beautiful, Lovely, and True...
For it is in the darkness, we discover that our treasure is a deeper knowing and loving and understanding . . . of Him.
Yes, yes, yes... this is where I am.
Bless you!
~M

Wanda said...

Lovely post. Odd that the very place we would resist going is the place we often can discover the most about Him.

Mary B said...

What a beautiful post! Thank you...I love your list. Isn't it great that he is in the darkness with us, not just on the outside looking in?!?

Natalie said...

Once again, dear friend, you rock my world. Your writing is brilliant and lovely and so dead-on. I found myaelf saying "Me, too" and felt so comforted in the words that God leads us through the darkness by hand.

He has given you quite a gift, dear one.

Natalie at Mommy on Fire
http://www.mommyonfire.com

e-Mom said...

The first dip in a pool, and clean sheets... Yes! Beautiful musings.

(((Hugs))) ღ

S.I.F. said...

Grilled cheese and green beans sounds delish! :)

I've been feeling like I've lost His light lately too... Not realizing that maybe I just need to spend more time seeking in the places I don't normally go.

Thank you!

Holly Renee said...

It's so true. He is the light in the darkness. Darkness is nothing to Him. Your faith in something bigger is inspiring. I love that St. Augustine quote too!

Karen said...

I loved your reflections in this post...

And I have to ask...is there such a thing as an organized Tupperware cabinet...

marnie said...

As I read your post I began thinking how interesting it is that we begin life in a dark, safe place and once we are born all the dark places seem unsafe.

May He birth treasures in you as you choose to walk in His safety through darkness.

Melissa Fed said...

I've felt so the same lately... the world feels so heavy. Happily there is one that can hold it...
Bless you!
web.me.com/melissafed

bluecottonmemory said...

I love your list, your quote from St. Augustine - and the honesty of your struggle - anxiety and fear took up a lot of my thinking time - because I had been raised to worry, to shake in fear of all the bad things that could happen. Then I discovered that all the blessings of Abraham and Moses were mine, too - they were shields that protected, promises I could stand on - for big things and little things. Now I have weapons to keep that old fear at bay! - and one of the worst is the unknown - however,God says in Psalm 139 that He knows the entire plans for our lives, our challenges, our weaknesses - so He knows just exactly what you need, how you feel and He has an awesome plan for you and your family! And that quiet in the night when you just really want to share your heart with your husband, but he's asleep - well, that's just a call from your God to say I want to spend some time with you! (That was a tough lesson for me to learn - a Samuel kind of lesson)

Be blessed Glowin' Girl! You are a mighty fine heart!

http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2009/09/12/simply-saturday/

bluecottonmemory said...

I love your list, your quote from St. Augustine - and the honesty of your struggle - anxiety and fear took up a lot of my thinking time - because I had been raised to worry, to shake in fear of all the bad things that could happen. Then I discovered that all the blessings of Abraham and Moses were mine, too - they were shields that protected, promises I could stand on - for big things and little things. Now I have weapons to keep that old fear at bay! - and one of the worst is the unknown - however,God says in Psalm 139 that He knows the entire plans for our lives, our challenges, our weaknesses - so He knows just exactly what you need, how you feel and He has an awesome plan for you and your family! And that quiet in the night when you just really want to share your heart with your husband, but he's asleep - well, that's just a call from your God to say I want to spend some time with you! (That was a tough lesson for me to learn - a Samuel kind of lesson)

Be blessed Glowin' Girl! You are a mighty fine heart!

http://bluecottonmemory.wordpress.com/2009/09/12/simply-saturday/

Amy in Peru said...

bittersweet as those dark moments are I wouldn't exchange them for anything.

whatever draws me to Him... presses me against Him... makes me desperate for Him...

these are the moments I wait for.

amy in peru

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