Saturday, April 17, 2010

Marvin K. Mooney and "The Talk"

"The time has come, the time is now." 
And if I were Marvin K. Mooney, you'd better know
I would go. Go. Go! And I wouldn't care how. 

But I'm not Marvin K.  I'm the mom, and the time had come to begin The Talk.  Yep, that one.  (Note to my dad:  If you're reading this, it's okay to stop now).

The Thinker has always been my challenge.  He's a questioner of all things.  From the time he was tiny, he stumped me with difficult thoughts -- often in public places, and particularly in the grocery store.  I think it was because there he knew he had my attention.  It was just he and I, face-to-face, as his stumpy legs dangled from the cart seat, and he sucked his Tootsie Roll pop.  I still remember being in the shampoo aisle with a couple of witnesses when he asked me, "How did Jesus die on the cross if you can't kill God?"  The Thinker was three at the time.  Where to begin with that?

So, I wasn't too surprised really when he started asking about babies and where they come from.  The Princess was born over a year ago, and we had answered a few questions through that process as vaguely but honestly as possible.  But vague wasn't cutting it anymore.  A friend of his had a sister who was unmarried and pregnant, and he just couldn't make sense of it anymore.  He kept asking questions, such as, "Did they just get too close, Mom?"  Hmmm. 

I flash back to asking my dad what a virgin was when I was about six.  Thanks to Madonna and "Like a Virgin," the word was all over the place.

His response, "You better go ask Mom."  Bless his Marvin K. Mooney heart.  (I love you Dad, and I warned you to stop reading.)  It just wasn't something we discussed much at our house. 

I remember always being embarrassed when the topic came up.  Heavens, I still am depending on the company.  But we want open dialogue, and we want our kids to talk to us, so I took the plunge.  I asked a few questions to make sure The Thinker and I both knew what he really knew already.

You know men and women are different, right?
It takes an egg from the woman, and a seed from the man?
And God created a special way for married couples to create a baby?

Yes, but HOW?

We got out the books from the series God's Design for Sex as a sort of guideline (for me to know what to tell).  We didn't read them word-for-word . . . just talked as we looked. 

His response when it was over and we'd clarified a few things was, "Well, that's weird."


He and the hubby talked about it again another night.  It was just some more affirmation about God's purpose and design for physical love.  Questions answered about how Mary was a virgin and had Jesus.  More dialogue.  And for a few days, I watched for changes in him.  Holding my breath  . . . afraid somehow that we'd spoken too soon, and all of a sudden he would be no longer innocent boy, but a stranger with too much knowledge.  But he's not.  He sees it as it is -- or he's forgotten about it for now (which is kinda what I'm hoping). 

I sigh with a little bit of relief, because it's done.  Until I realize that, actually, it's really just begun.  There will be more questions and more dialogue.  If he doesn't start it, we will need to.  We'll have to talk about STDs, premarital sex, pornography, homosexuality, etc.  . . . Yikes.  It's a long list.  But I'm putting on wisdom and courage and stepping outside of the comforts of ignoring and avoiding --

  -- because the time has come to go. Go. Go! and Parent with Purpose.



Acting Balanced Mom said...

I've had several 'talks' with my 11 year old daughter and they are actually getting easier... and scarier in a way...
I think you are right about just being age appropriate and matter of fact... if its not a big deal to you, it won't be to the kids... and they will know its okay to come to you with questions rather than the net, or friends...
I'm sorry it's taken so long for a reverse visit to your blog, but M/S is keeping me away from the computer... to make up for it, I've left an award for you on my blog :)

Andrea said...

You can't really have wisdom without knowledge. Good for you for being brave and bold and a good mom. We've had these talks with my sons too (slightly different for age,) and I think parents who do are giving their children the tools they need to make the wise decisions. Great post.

partialemptynester said...

You are such a fun mom to follow! We have read a series to our children since they were 3, believe it or's all about being a part of a family, namely God's family. It is so precious the way it weaves God's plan within their lives. We never really had "the" talk...we just expanded and built upon a very firm foundation. Here's the series if you are interested:

(the new) Learning About Sex: a series for the christian family
By Lenore Buth

I thank God every day for bringing this series to my attention, it equipped us for the very scariest part of parenting. Our son is in college and still chooses the idea of courting over dating (he relied heavily on God to sustain him through the high school football years of locker room can be done!). Our daughter will be completely different as she has had a special friend since 3rd grade (and they are now in seventh grade), who we've allowed her to call a boyfriend bc of her own personal definition of what that means to her: my best friend who makes me laugh. The two of them have chosen not to kiss until they are 17 or 18...I'm praying for 18, that would be nice :)

Anyway, check out the series, we've LOVED it...our kids ask for it as they reach the age of each new book!

Karen said...

Sounds like you did really well with much better than I did years ago with my boys....

Charlene said...

This is one of the things I always thought I'd be better at... My Miss M. is 10 and we've had a few "talks" but so far, nothing in "scary territory." But I think she's at an age where we need to start getting there...

Give me strength!

MamaMonki said...

Sounds like you did a great job - I'm so glad I've got a LONG while before I have to have that conversation with WeeMan. It scares me how much the kids I teach know before they even get to fourth grade. Certainly more than we did!

Mandy said...

Such a sweet post! And refreshing to see it from a Christian point of view. I am no where near ready for this talk, and thankfully for me, mine aren't ready for it either. Sounds like you did a great job!

I'm over from the SITS blog frog community~ you have a darling site! Have a great weekend!

Shmonae said...

Oh mannnnn :) Nothing like the talk. Some kids don't ask or think about it until you know you need to "have the talk" and others come out asking. There is nothing like trying to figure out what the age appropriate talk is!

Anonymous said...

And I thought my tooth brushing issue was hard! I like the way you handled it and I hope I can handle it that well when the time comes.

Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day. We're still working on the tooth brushing thing and trying not to stress to much :-)

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